Posted in NaNoWriMo, Writing

Befriending My Self-Doubt

NO CAPES

Every creative person wears a cape of doubt. It hangs there, constantly weighing at our backs, flip-flopping when the wind isn’t quite right, and trying its best to trip us up.

Whenever I voice this doubt, the (amazingly supportive) people in my life tell me, “Morgan, you can’t do that to yourself. You’re a wonderful writer. Don’t doubt, just create.”

I do appreciate the encouragement, but sometimes I have an incredibly hard time ignoring my doubt. In fact, ask any creative person and they will probably tell you the same.

I’m sure all of you have heard the saying that goes, “you are your own worst critic.” Sometimes I shrug off the actual meaning of the saying because I hear it so often, but there is a frightening and resonant truth to it that I can’t ignore –it’s me. I’m the one letting the doubt drown out my hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I control the volume.

Sylvia Plath said, “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

So here’s the thing: I had a thought! Maybe, just maybe, we should be looking at our doubt, our “capes”, from a different perspective.

Stick with me here!

I’d like to introduce you to Susan — Susan is a wonderful person. She spends her free time running three children to various school activities and loves keeping up with the latest celebrity gossip, but she claims that she isn’t creative. When she sees you, creative person, she’s jealous. You have something she doesn’t; a pretty cape.

Little does she know how heavy that cape, that doubt, truly is.

Susan can’t see your struggles, nor the inner-editor that constantly nags at you. All she can see is your passion, your talent, and your ability to create something from nothing.

Your cape, to her, is one of the the most beautiful things she’s ever seen.

~

I decided several months ago that I needed to start looking at my doubt in a different light; that I needed to let it stoke the fire as opposed to snuffing it out.

Ever since I made that decision, I’ve been more productive. I’ve written, planned, edited, and even read more.

I’m not saying this is an easy battle. There are times when I want nothing more than to rip off my cape and tear it to shreds, but then I remind myself that my cape is a gift… a gift that not everyone receives.

Some days are easy. Some days are hard. Some days I require ice cream and drinks that you can’t purchase from the soda aisle.

I’m slowly learning to befriend my self-doubt.

And from now on, I’m going to (attempt) to do this cape justice (sorry, Edna).

Join me, fellow writer, fellow creative person.

Don’t give up on yourself.

You are truly amazing and talented and your dreams do matter.

Turn down the volume on your doubt and march forward.

Your ideas are worth it.

You are worth it.

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Writing

Write What You Don’t Know

calvin-and-hobbes-write-what-you-know

Every time someone tells me, “write what you know,” I have the inappropriate urge to slap them.

Don’t follow my example. Write what you know is good advice. Actually, it’s great advice. Also, you probably shouldn’t go around slapping people and telling them I encouraged you to do it.

Write what you know = write what you’ve experienced. Fear, jealousy, trauma, loss. Write what you know. Write what you feel.

The reason the term irks me is because people tend to use it incorrectly. Someone asked me a few months back what my current novel was about. I mumbled a broken explanation (or something like one, I’m terrible at explaining my plots verbally), but I’m pretty sure she got the gist of it – that it’s about a post-apocalyptic circus. She blinked at me and said, “Ooooh, but you’ve never worked in the circus!” Yeah, and I’ve never experienced an apocalypse, either.

Now that I think back on it, I should have spun some grandiose story about my former circus days, but in the moment I wasn’t so clever. I confirmed her suspicions, and then she shrugged, told me I should “write what I know,” and sauntered off.

I was honestly quite stunned for a moment, but then I shrugged it off and moved on with my day (okay, maybe there was a little more rage, but I kept it to myself).

It did get me thinking, though. With the sometimes blatant misuse of the term, why not coin a NEW term?

Write what you DON’T know!

Besides, what fun is it to stay stagnant in your writing?

Why not write about a political diplomat who gets involved in extreme origami competitions? Even if you know nothing about politics or (extreme) origami! Research is the spice of life.

I know so many random things that I never would have cared about before I had the need to research them for a story. This also leads to me having an extremely interesting Google search history… which we just won’t talk about.

Writing is about discovery. Writing is about freedom. Writing is reaching. Writing is creating something bigger than yourself, so why should you think small?

Discover. Dream. REACH!

Write what you know AND what you don’t know!

The sky’s the limit.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Writing

I Cannot Be Held Responsible for My Characters’ Actions

 

Blameo

Around three weeks ago I received a call from one of my beta-readers. She was about 75% through my novel Set the Circus on Fire and wanted to let me know her thoughts, which I was both anxious and excited for. While she had many positive things to say, the conversation ended in a rant about my main character Capella, and how she (my beta-reader) thought that I should stop forcing Capella to make tremendously bad decisions.

I laughed.

I choked on my coffee.

I laughed some more.

And then, as gently and as trying-not-to-sound-incredibly-crazy as I could, I attempted to explain to her just how this writing thing works.

Before I get into the nitty-gritty, I should probably let you know that this post may or may not make me sound like the most mentally unstable person you’ve encountered on the internet today.

That being said, let’s move this train right along.

I’ve heard other writers mention that having characters is much like having children. You create them, you give them a name, you bake them cookies at 2 AM in the morning because they broke up with their boyfriend Fred.

I don’t have any children, but I agree with their sentiments.

Much like a parent, you watch your character grow, you watch them go through struggles, overcome, fail, succeed. You cheer with them, cry with them, and yell at them. You get frustrated. You forgive (most of the time). Sometimes you have no idea why the hell they’re doing what they’re doing.

Sure, I can set the scene, I can drop in random elements of chaos, but when it comes down to it, my characters are living, breathing people that are quite capable of making their own decisions and mistakes without my input. While it’s slightly disturbing to think that I have a bunch of independent people jammed inside my brain, it’s also a comfort. I would feel empty without them.

That doesn’t mean that I’ve completely lost control (I say to myself stubbornly). I still make decisions, I still lead the plot along, but sometimes I am just as surprised as the reader when Character X decides to kill Character Z because Character Z stole his girl.

So, I say this in defense of all my writer brothers and sisters:

Please don’t hold us (completely) responsible for our characters’ actions.

Don’t yell at us. Bring us cookies.

Maybe pie.

Chance is, the writer of a story is feeling the loss and/or bad decision of a character on a much deeper level than the reader ever will. Either that, or they’re cackling through it… it can go either way, really.

 

 

Posted in Writing

Writer, Grim Reaper

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Character deaths are an interesting facet of storytelling. You create someone from nothing, nurture them, grow them, then murder the crap out of them.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a literary murderer, or at least I’d like to think I have.

There’s no real middle ground with me – either killing a character doesn’t bother me at all, or I hate myself (at least for awhile) for killing them.

There are still characters that I’ve slain, to this day, that haunt me, but I know that killing them was the right thing to do. If you’re going for realism in your story, death, especially in war, is very likely to happen.

When I first started writing, I pretty much refused to kill off any main or semi-important minor characters. They were my friends, my allies, they marched on with their quest and never had to deal with any lasting consequences. Hell, I didn’t even cut off any limbs! Sure, I’d kill a mother or father here (however cliche, who doesn’t appreciate a tragic backstory?), a few minor characters there, and maybe even the villain, but never, ever would I touch my precious darlings.

But in all honesty, what’s the likelihood of all 10 heroes making it out of an ambush alive? Or a flaming maze? Or a battle? What’s the likelihood of them all being intact and unaffected?

I’m not sure what changed in me; if it was my writing that matured, or if after I had personally dealt with several deaths in my own life, I realized that death, although a horrible and tragic thing, has the potential to strengthen those around it. Suddenly your characters are being faced with a situation where the old, wise wizard is no longer around to guide them, or where the loss of their best friend is driving them forward.

Death may be hard to write, but it’s very real. Consequences are very real. Your characters dealing with lasting scars, ailments, or grief because of what they’ve been through is very real. If your characters are real, your readers will connect with them. YOU, as the writer, will connect with them.

Sometimes killing a character isn’t the right thing to do, but if it is, don’t be afraid.

I am always here to provide internet hugs.

Annnnnnddd now that I’m sitting here thinking about all my deceased characters, I’ll leave you to your killing while I go weep in the corner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in NaNoWriMo, Writing

NaNoWriMo!

20540050

Ever year in November, writers from all around the world participate in a crazy little event called NaNoWriMo, also known as National Novel Writing Month.

The goal?

Write 50,000 words in a month.

The prize?

A 50,000 word manuscript that you wrote.

Are you still with me?

On top of November, some crazy writers (such as myself) also choose to participate in “Camp NaNoWriMo”, which takes place in April and July. Camp is a little more casual in the fact that you choose your own word goal.

This year I’ve set the whopping goal of 75,000 words for July. I wrote 30,000 words back in April, but my story went completely off the rails and grew three arms and five subplots. My April novel will definitely be revisited, but for now, my focus is on July.

I’m happy to report that I’m 32 chapters into the outline for my July novel, The Alabaster Heir, and the more I outline, the more I cannot WAIT to get started! (That being said, I have also updated my Current Project page with the cover and synopsis for The Alabaster Heir!)

So, why on earth would I subject myself to this cruel sort of torture, you ask?

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, I frequented the forums on GaiaOnline. If any of you know what that is, feel free to mock me or throw fruit at me (especially if it’s fresh and delicious fruit).

Anyways, I used to hang out on the writing forum, and one day I ran across a thread with the title “NaNoWriMo.”

I squinted at it, attempting to pronounce it to myself (which I’m sure I did terribly), then, in that fated moment, clicked the thread and opened the door to the rest of my life. Cue dramatic music and a montage of me furiously typing and screaming at my laptop at all hours of the day and night.

If I’m being honest, my initial reaction to  NaNoWriMo was one of deep sarcasm and many shrugs.

How could I accomplish the ridiculous task of writing 50,000 words in a month?

I thought it improbable, impossible. I ran away from that thread as fast as I possibly could, and yet the idea of NaNo continued swimming around my head.

A few weeks later found me at a writer friend’s house. I asked her if she’d heard about those other crazy writers on Gaia who were going to attempt to write a novel in a month. Long story short: She hadn’t. I showed her the thread. We ended up on the website. And then something kooky happened…

We both lost our minds and decided to do it.

I did write pretty frequently at that point in my life, but I had never finished more than a short or co-authored story, and I had no idea in hell how to outline.

If you’re a writer (or like writing, or enjoy long nights and excuses to drink caffeine), I SO SO SO encourage you to try NaNo! Do it in November! Do it in July! Do it in April! Heck, make your own goal during your favorite month and write until you can no longer feel your fingers! (FYI it doesn’t have to be a novel. Some people do a series of short stories or poems or a script or whatever the heck they want.)

Even if you don’t finish, even if you get 5k in and decide that you hate your story, YOU STARTED SOMETHING WONDERFUL!

NaNo taught me to make goals in my writing, and to be serious about those goals. Writing is a muscle. You have to work it as much as you possible so you can be the lean, mean, writing machine you were always meant to be.

I thank the writing gods for that silly thread in that silly forum so many moons ago. Ten years later I’m still doing NaNo and I wouldn’t trade the missed sleep, over-consumption of caffeine, cancelled social plans, or lost sanity for anything.

Thanks to NaNo I’ve finished several novels (revisions are another story, but we’ll talk about that later), learned my style of outlining and what works for me, and have set and accomplished other writing goals that I never thought I’d be able to accomplish – like writing every day, for one.

Yes, let the plot flow throughhhhh youuuu. And come do NaNoWriMoooooooo!

Condensed version:

I’ve learned a lot from NaNo. NaNo is my bro. Let NaNo be your bro. Do NaNo. Let me know. We can suffer together.